Posts from the Dark Ages

So is this a cankle? It looks more like someone has been in the sun without protection.Just last week at Bingo we were discussing how the young people of today always talk about protection. Even when doonah-dancing. These things never crossed our mind when we were … [Read more...] about Is this a cankle?

Is this a cankle? I haven't seen one in years but they were once popular with the spongecake and shandy set. … [Read more...] about Is this a cankle?

Do you know what a cankle is? I don't think I do. I don't remember a lot of what I know sometimes, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know a cankle even if I tripped over one.An oyster with rum? a carbuncle? a furuncle? a firkin?My tenant, Poppy Buxom, (to your right there, … [Read more...] about What’s a cankle?

Please, if you live in York, stop shooting Scotsmen with your bows and arrows. Just because the ancient by-law which allows you to legally send an arrow up a kilt within the city walls has never been repealed, that's no reason to keep up your archery classes. The war … [Read more...] about Leave the Scots alone

I had a lovely comment from that well-known commentator Anonymous who told me that there is a place left in the world where you get good fish and chips. I had to sit down and have a little glass of sweet sherry to celebrate.And this place is the mysterious Anstruther on … [Read more...] about Mysterious Places

Remember Fish and Chips on Fridays? That's how we knew what day of the week it was, by the greasy bits of flake wrapped up in old newspaper. (We never minded the print dye running into the batter, it gave the potato cake an extra zing.) You just can't get fatty food … [Read more...] about Whatever happened to fish and chips

Meet Winifred Whelan, who was threatened in her home by a man brandishing a 10-inch knife. She grabbed a larger carving knife from her kitchen, shoved it at the heroic intruder's belly and quoted the famous words from Crocodile Dundee "That's not a knife, this is a … [Read more...] about What’s in your drawers?

Well I managed to stay inside for all April Fools' Day. No one has managed to pull my leg for a while, but I kept an eye out through the venetian blinds for suspicious activity just the same. Some of the nippers around here need a firm hand. My goodness, back … [Read more...] about April Fools’ Day

So now it's official, the way to teach sex education is by observing Nature. Like the Birds and the Bees. Or more correctly, the Birds, the Bees and the Broadbeans. Promiscuity Rules!It's all to do with evolution, and how species arise, and hybridisation. Virtually all … [Read more...] about Promiscuity Rules

My word, life has been hectic in my little neck of the woods. I got so excited when the pension went up $2.27 a fortnight that a wild jig around the kitchen caused a broken hip!What disturbed me though, was the form I had to fill out, and the doctor's reaction to my … [Read more...] about Ill mannered Medico

The amaryllis is coming up in my garden. Do my garden bulbs know more than I do about the seasons? Golly, it was 33 celsius today, that's over 91 degrees in the old measurement. And my garden thinks the Summer is over?In any case, I should be putting in my bulbs for … [Read more...] about Is it Autumn already?

Why does the phone always ring the minute I climb in the tub? This morning I was all set for a little soak when some pest selling brick cladding was on the blower. It's as though there is some etheric connection between the two. A vibration that resounds in the … [Read more...] about Bathtubs and Telephones

This renting blogs is like a lucky dip, isn't it? You don't know what you're going to pull out.My Council Home Help girl helped me choose my renter Incogblogo this week, and I know why. It's got this weird device that allows you to change colours anytime you wish. You … [Read more...] about Pyschedelia Nostalgia

I'm sure this new craze of genealogy can be harmful. Why on earth anyone would want to dig out obscure antecedents is beyond me, you never know who you might turn up. It can stunt your life as well. For example, one young lass I know has her head deep in her Genealogy … [Read more...] about Genealogy

I have had a blinding flash of revelationDIY is an opportunity to add new injuries to your collection. There is the chance to aggravate existing conditions, or, if you overcompensate with fully functioning limbs, you can damage them instead. … [Read more...] about DIY hurts

Well here it is, my own backyard beach. All it took was a couple of tins of paint and a few hours making a mess with a paintbrush and a spraycan on the brick wall. (Although I ruined a perfectly good pair of slippers). Now I have my own Life in Paradise on a Beach … [Read more...] about My very own Life in Paradise on a Beach Somewhere

If life is too short to ice a cake, then it's too short to hold a grudge. So I swallowed my pride and some aspro and returned to the hardware store for more paint. I even found the same young man to help me, and this time I was quite quick in choosing the exact shade of … [Read more...] about Life is too short