February marks the month of famine Misery abounds. Following medical orders, I've thrown away the fags and the comfort of a small glass of sherry at the end of the day. My food intake has been reduced to that of a rabbit, a small and desolate rabbit. Consumed … [Read more...] about The Long Road Ahead
Posts from the Dark Ages
It’s now official. I have to grow up
I've kept my eyes shut, pretended it wasn't there and put it off as long as I could. But now I have to face it. After 70 carefree years of adolescence, I have to take the bull by the horns, put my nose to the grindstone, my shoulder to the wheel and my hand to the … [Read more...] about It’s now official. I have to grow up
No Chinese Talent, Housework Only
"China has so much untapped grassroots talent "says the Shanghai Daily. Regardless of how much talent there may be lurking in the back provinces, no one is going to see it on television any time soon. China's media watchdog has pulled the plug on China's Got Talent … [Read more...] about No Chinese Talent, Housework Only
Dignity and Death
All of us should be looking at this .. I reckon Terry's death is his business. Just like mine is. … [Read more...] about Dignity and Death
The Big Belly Gang
I was forcefully reminded of one more awful modern trend when the news broke that the Big Belly Gang had been rumbled. This heartless gang of ruthless shop lifters terrorised the shopping malls in Hangzhou, China, for more than ten years but the police, after months … [Read more...] about The Big Belly Gang
Daylight Saving in no time
Who invented Daylight Savings Time and more importantly why do I have to live with it? Twice a year, every year, I go a little crazy about the time. Some years ago I was time confused and fretful now I've learned not to take things too seriously these days. Once … [Read more...] about Daylight Saving in no time
Good Morning Sunshine
Would you believe I have a medical directive to spend 20 minutes in the sun each day? No, I'm not silly nor am I making it up. I have a Vitamin D deficiency. At my age to be told I have something not working right is pretty well par for the course, but I would … [Read more...] about Good Morning Sunshine
Extreme Bovine Bravado
It's just as well that Thorpie is returning to the pool for sprint events only, because Australian distance swimming has a bright new star . . . Danette the wonder cow. Danette, a Murray Grey, survived an epic 95km swim during the January floods. After being swept … [Read more...] about Extreme Bovine Bravado
The Dancing Belly
I've taken up belly dancing. And now I know it's actually called Raqs Sharqi. What really impressed me was the flyer pushed through my letter box which clearly explained that ... Many see Raqs Sharqi as a woman's dance, celebrating the sensuality and power of being a … [Read more...] about The Dancing Belly
Snake Sign Solution
I live near a football ground and, although I have nothing against football fans, sometimes their manners after a game aren't the best. Like taking a leak in my front garden. Well, I think I've found the answer. Austrian officials fed up with motorists stopping to … [Read more...] about Snake Sign Solution
Beautiful Cleo
I still say that Cleopatra was beautiful. I know there's been disparaging remarks made about her nose before, but this coin reveals that she had a pointed chin, thin lips and sharp, aqualine nose. Somewhat like myself in fact. Better than Marc Antony anyway, with his … [Read more...] about Beautiful Cleo
Finally …
After over a month of fires, I have returned to my little cottage. In the old days, I would have been standing there with a wet bag on my head and another in my hands beating at the embers on the firebreak, but not these days. These days I get sent away instead. For … [Read more...] about Finally …
Time changes
I get so confused with my modern appliances. Especially when I have to adjust the time. I can change my bedside clock, that's just winding a few knobs at the back, but I don't even know how to open my kitchen clock. And I 've just noticed that everything has a … [Read more...] about Time changes
Thoroughly Modern Queenie
I've joined the modern age at last. I have a mobile phone, a DVD player and now a microwave oven. I resisted the oven for years. All those microwaves flying loose about the house, who knows what damage they could be doing and what awful consequences of random … [Read more...] about Thoroughly Modern Queenie
Naps are fashionionable these days
I'm sure I read about these little napping machines in a sci fi novel many years ago when I was young. But this is a real appliance for people who are too busy to go to bed. Or for people to sleep at work. Before you wonder why people would be encouraged to sleep at … [Read more...] about Naps are fashionionable these days
Summer is i- cumen in. Lhude sing blowfly
Summer is i-cumen in –/ Lhude sing, blowfly!/ Groweth sed and bloweth med/ And springth the wude nu./ Sing, blowfly! Today I heard the first blow-fly of Summer. While people in other climes use swallows to signify the warmer season, here we know the … [Read more...] about Summer is i- cumen in. Lhude sing blowfly
Cross Dressing suspicions
I'm beginning to wonder about my fellow members of the Lawn Bowls Club Ladies Team. I read today that the Women's Dragon-boat Racing Team in China turned out to be men in wigs. It seems the Team was of composed of suspiciously big women with Adam's apples, and now I'm … [Read more...] about Cross Dressing suspicions
The Raw Prawn
I am moved to speak in defense of the prawn, a misunderstood little fellow, who asks nothing more than to give us a little pleasure when we bite into a scrunchy bit. Family Says Flying Prawn Killed Jerry — The family of Jerry Colaitis claims he wrenched his … [Read more...] about The Raw Prawn
Does a new career beckon?
I couldn't fail but to be a little excited by this advertisment : Wanted: 20 diminutive actors who can sing. Hairy feet an advantage. Producers of a musical version of "The Lord of the Rings", looking for candidates to play the hobbit heroes, are searching for … [Read more...] about Does a new career beckon?
Are these people cankling?
Are these people cankling? Doing a cankle? Having a cankle? (or even experiencing a cankling good time?) Are they Canklers? Or are they cankling whankers? Is a cankle a noun? A verb? Can it be an adjective? Do I really care that much? It must be the new pills the doctor … [Read more...] about Are these people cankling?